I only ate the grapes to do you a kindness, Jean - you know what happened the last time you ate a lot of grapes..................

Unicycle hmmm? Whatever happened to TEAM sports?? Tell you what, if you let me have a little go on your unicycle, I`ll give you a ride in my bobsleigh. Lyn thinks it`s great, though she`s still a bit bruised after I took one of the corners too fast and she fell out. It`s just unfortunate that she went headfirst into a snowdrift and it took me ages to find the right one so I could dig her out. I`m having go-faster stripes painted on the bobsleigh tomorrow.Surprisingly, Lyn wants another turn, so she must feel I`m getting the hang of it know. I kept telling her I would steer if she would do the brake, but would she listen????????????

I think the next person who comes across from the UK ought to bring another supply of wellies, if Jean is determined to send them all the way of the flesh - whichever way that might be.

We`ll have to come up with a plan to spring Barbara too - I`m sure we`ll come up with something.

How`s Eleanor`s hair doing? She needn`t be so ungrateful, as Lyn said, better her hair than her hand getting chopped off. I knew Jean shouldn`t have been let loose with that superglue. Jean & superglue - not a good combination. Doreen said she`d keep an eye on her, but she obviously got distracted when the tall, blond ski instructor went past. The nerve of her, asking him to show her how to ski-jump!!

Kathleen x

Not one of you lot is ever, ever getting near my hair ever, ever again! Anyway there is little left thanks to Lyn and her I have looked after my children's hair and cut my husbands and neighbours as well! Thank you for your kind offer Barbara but after the last time you were on 'pills' and were running amok with the police man and Boris after you, best that you don't.

Has anyone actually caught sight of Lylie yet? She went into the marquee with the guard at the flap with her judge friend and has not been seen since. As for Jean, Jenni, Mary and Doreen we only see them for apres ski in the evening and, even then, they are so tired out with all the training and planning/perfecting of new winter sport that Doreen fell into the jug of Sangria last night soaking the pigtails of Lyn's hat that I have been forced to wear in case I scare others. Then there was the shock of seeing Kathleen's darned snake lying in the bottom of the sangria bucket! Goodness only knows how long he had been there but Kathleen said that he is sensitive to all we say about him and had just gone for a wash as Lyn said that he was stinking. Ann is doing so well and I think that she may well be the star of the shoe with all the progress that she is making. Even Jean feels that the sheer nakedness of her performance may not be quite the thing and is advising the pink glittery wellie and perhaps a thong.

As is custom we have had the usual climbing incident from Julie. I intend to have a word with Barbara about this because it is all right her getting to the top of trees , flag poles and whatever, but she can't get down again. Some lessons may be in order? She is up the Australian flag pole as I type , wearing her green floaty dress and pink glittery wellies with ski socks on top, singing Kylie songs and slugging out of a bottle - wait a mo--- that's a pernod bottle!! Barbara I need you now! We have an emergency situation here, we only have 6 bottled left and it is my practise party! Get her down!!!!!!!

Lyn, Lyn where the hang are you? Amanda has gone off again and that noise is coming from Kathleen's mouth which she insists is yodelling! Barbara please come and sort them out. No Kathleen, Frank did not teach you to yodel!!!!!!!

Has anyone seen Lizzie? She is wearing a hand knitted boiler suit with rather large gaps where she has dropped stitches! Thank goodness she has got her pink sparkly wellies and ski socks, clean thanks to Lyn although I don't know how she had the patience to melt the snow for washing purposes, which detracts the eye form the exposed areas.

lylie, Jean, Mary, Jenni, and Doreen have not come back to the igloo. I suspect that Ann is getting them into the marquee thanks to her special relationship with the judge. They will not let me in because of my hair. That Lyn has the best of motives but honestly, never, ever let her near hair.

Amanda is singing along with Kathleen. She is now in charge of the medicinal alcohol bag just to give her some responsibilty as she seems to have been slacking on this adventure. It is strange that she is yodelling with Kathleen and is wearing what looks like-------- looks like -------is that darned snake around her neck!!! Barbara! She is off again, I think that she is sampling her charge!

What a nice smell of the ski socks! Dear Lyn, I wonder what she used? Wait a minute! That's the wrapper for my Crabtree and Evelynn goats milk soap! It is all gone! Oh no!!!

Eleanor, I promise I'm not, it's the pills my dear as sometimes I don't know whether I'm coming or going......

I think we can trust Amanda with the Pernod and wine, as she is currently Tee-total However if she's been hanging out with Kathleen, who knows what else she's been up to, especially if she's still carrying around that snake of hers. May need to squeeze a confession from Amanda...., but I'm sure if she slipped off from the wagon it was for medicinal purposes only, and will be forgiven.

Oops ... sorry about your soap Eleanor I thought it smelled rather nice and it worked a real treat on the socks don't you think? Tell you what when we get home I'll get you some more and some of the body products to go with it, okay? In the meantime though you'll have to make do with this Home Bargains stuff, 9p a bar, cracking stuff (as in skin crackin' ).

Jean, you really shouldn't believe everything you read in those dailies. It was all a big mistake, I was using my scissors as a prop, beautiful when the coloured strobes hit the blades. How was I to know that Pavel's 'real' partner was the jealous sort and come flying onto the ice at a crucial point in the choreography. At least the poor lass wasn't injured, except for her pride perhaps! My triple salchow was truly ruined. I've dealt with that very rude man, Jason, he won't be unpleasant to any more skaters mark my words. I'm not getting us a bad name honestly in fact I've got us all signed up for the next series of Dancing On Ice! They were very interested to hear about your use of props, skis, unicycles, poles and frozen snakes!! And they thought wardrobe would be delighted to hear about some of our very modern costume ideas, ski socks, sparkly pink wellies, tassels etc. So good news, what do you think?

Eleanor's got a chicken hat Ha ha she kept that one quiet. Was it one of her retirement pressies?!

Right, Lizzie, now adequately covered, and I, minus scissors, are on our way to the marquee. Looking forward to a good night and not a scissor in sight, honestly!!

We look very fetching!!!

I may be having a hallucination here, but I`ve seen the Mounties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think they`re looking for Lizzie, after she insulted the flag, but they`re all on their way to the marquee - I saw them while I was out in my bobsleigh. We`ll really have to hurry now, as Julie and Doreen are standing to attention and singing the Canadian national anthem - attention seeking, as per usual. Oooh, those Mounties do look very handsome.

Jean`s obviously got them in her sights, as I`ve just seen a flash of yellow go hurtling past on skis.

I can`t believe Lyn is still wielding those scissors - she`s cut off Mary L`s tassels in her haste to reach the marquee.

Maybe we can ask the Mounties to help us with Barbara`s release?

Kathleen x